From a PTSD Survivor (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

I am no doctor or therapist, but I am here to share my own experience of struggling with PTSD. I never even heard the term PTSD until a few years ago when I myself went through a trauma and suffered PTSD. For those around me, it might not have been a major trauma, but it was unquestionably a major incident for me.

When we hear the word trauma, we often imagine events like the sudden death of a loved one, a car or a plane crash or something huge. But can we really narrow down the definition of trauma? In my opinion, we cannot. Because every person is wired differently, the repercussions of any traumatic incident might vary from person to person.

After the incident I went through, it took me almost a full year to return to a life that was mostly normal. It has been nearly two years. Those memories seem to be kept in a very separate area of the brain. I’m still in the healing process and as my therapist says, “Healing is not linear,”.Those memories often set me off on a scary loop and shivers crawl up my spine at the mere thought of it. Sometimes it seems as though I woke up from a dreadful dream. I worry that I’ll have the dream just one more time and won’t be able to wake up.

As a result of the horrific experience I had, I became hypervigilant. Every second was agony. I was unable to speak, sleep, or even breathe properly. I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night in my one-bedroom apartment. I could not bring myself to turn out the lights in my home. Any noise around me was intolerable. I felt afraid of everyone in my immediate vicinity. I always assumed that anyone speaking and laughing was planning to harm me. I was convinced that I would never be able to go back to my normal self.

I’m not sure how I was functioning. I clearly recall working on two significant assignments, and despite these incidents, I completed them well. By the end of the year, I found myself healing; no more instances had occurred.

The following year, around the same time, I started having difficulty breathing as well as anxiety and flashbacks. I had moved on and took my medications on schedule. But suddenly I was unable to concentrate. I put myself in danger in July because I felt like I was crumbling and everything was happening all over again. I learnt these were ‘Anniversary Reactions’ which means that on or around the anniversary of a traumatic event, the survivor may experience an increase in distressing memories of the event. I cried for help, but no one responded because everyone had learned to avoid me due to my condition. My therapist was the only friend, the only support left for me.

It acted as a reminder to me that I shouldn’t leave someone if I saw them in pain or retreating from routine day-to-day activities. Instead, I ought to find out what they require and, if necessary, put them in touch with a specialist.

Those who are in pain, I assure you will get through. Please locate someone you can trust and seek professional assistance. It’s time for you to embrace yourself.